Funny Letters To "Dear ABBY"
DEAR ABBY:
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
I've been married for six years and have five kids. No twins. My husband still wants to have sex every night and sometimes in the morning too. I told him he should get himself a hobby. He says that *is* his hobby.
I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her mental pause.
This is the second marriage for both of us. And when my husband said "I Will" he knew damn well he couldn't.
I've been going steady with this man for six years. We see each other every night. He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never mentions marriage. Do you think he's going out with me just for what he can get? GERTIE
DEAR GERTIE: I don't know. What's he getting?
My boyfriend is going to be twenty years old next month. I'd like to give him something nice for his birthday. What do you think he'd like? CAROL
DEAR CAROL: Never mind what he'd like. Give him a tie.
Are birth control pills deductible?
KAY
DEAR KAY: Only if they don't work.
Our son was married in January. Five months later his wife had a ten-pound baby girl. They said the baby was premature. Tell me, can a baby this big be that early?
WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: The baby was on time, the wedding was late.
I know boys will be boys, but my 'boy' is seventy-three and he's still chasing women. Any suggestions?
ANNIE
DEAR ANNIE: Don't worry. My dog has been chasing cars for years, but if he ever caught one, he wouldn't know what to do with it.
I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
SAM IN CAL.
DEAR SAM: Yes. Run for public office.
What's the difference between a wife and a mistress?
BESS
DEAR BESS: Night and day.
